What Swimsuit to Wear on Vacation in the Caribbean?

if the wrong guy takes too much interest there’s a frantic effort at modesty

There isn’t a red-blooded sailor around who does not appreciate a pretty girl in a brief bikini – and girls know it.

Charlie has seen his fair share of girls prancing around in the latest Brazilian attire, especially in front of a desirable stud – but then, if the wrong guy takes too much interest there’s a frantic effort at modesty; a tugging of non-existent material, to cover a scrunch or over exposed bun.  

A relatively new trend is the duct-tape bikini.

There are experts at this, and Charlie is considering taking a course. It entails taking a girl with a beautiful figure and using colored duct-tape to manufacture a bikini or artful swimming costume onto a nude, curvaceous body. It’s rather like body painting but not as likely to wash off. 

In France nude bathing has long been ‘de rigueur’ but lately sexy swimwear has taken over.

During the last decade or two there has been an influx of Muslims from ex-colonies and when Muslim females go to the beach a ‘burkini’ is the requirement. This is a full body length cover up and scarf so as not to expose any enticing skin whatsoever. Personally, Charlie has never been sexually aroused by a bare kneecap! 

What Swimsuit to Wear on Vacation Graphics by Anouk Sylvestre
Graphics by Anouk Sylvestre

Other cultures have similar swimwear but not for modesty reasons but to avoid unwanted sun tan. In many Oriental countries a white skin is valued very highly and God forbid any browning at all. Quite amazing really when you think of the lengths people go to in many western countries to achieve a golden tan.

What Swimsuit to Wear on Vacation? In Europe the favored swimsuit for men is the ‘speedo’; it highlights a man’s packages but is often regarded as a laughing stock for Americans.

It’s actually good for swimming being sleeker and offering less resistance when fast swimming is the object. You’ll never see shorts being worn in a swimming tournament. However, at the beach, a speedo is looked upon with derision by Americans who typically wear knee length shorts, often exceedingly baggy to help camouflage huge bellies and rolls of fat. Classy board shorts look great on the right body but speedos are definitely ‘out.’ 

Sometimes it’s fun to watch beach goers who are definitely wearing the wrong kind of swimwear. Old ladies, sometimes overweight, who still think they’ve ‘got it’ bulging out of a bikini they bought twenty years ago before the cellulite and wobbly bits came along. Same with men – the studs they were and now are not. 

It’s funny but at nude beaches (St Martin has at least one) the ones parading around with no clothes are precisely those who should be covered up. Be warned – nude beaches, rather than providing excitement and enticement may put you off sex for life.

Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.