Even before the passage she made it known that she wanted nothing to do with George, the first mate. “He keeps looking at my boobs,” she complained, “he’s ogling my bum as well.”
More and more yachts are moving around the world these days and captains and crews are much sought after. On-line forums are used extensively and charter boat companies often have informal networks of available personnel. But the movement of yachts today is very different to that of yesterday. Navigation is automatic, autopilots make steering for long spells unnecessary, weather reports can be provided worldwide by meteorological experts via satellite phone, and electric winches make line handling and reefing a simple matter. So what are the requirements of a useful offshore crew? The answer is – he/she must be compatible with the other crew members, have some knowledge of knots, marine systems and ability to fix same, have foredeck skills especially in heavy weather and have some cooking ability with no problems helping with the domestic chores.
With a mixed crew sometimes sex rears its ugly head (pun intended). Hot bunking is not uncommon on smaller yachts where the off-watch crew takes the bunk of the new on-watch crew. Charlie was captain of a delivery recently and hired an experienced female sailor, Sonya, who happened to be physically well endowed as well as being extremely attractive. Even before the passage she made it known that she wanted nothing to do with George, the first mate. “He keeps looking at my boobs,” she complained, “he’s ogling my bum as well.” As it happened buff George was recently engaged and was not interested in Sonya. He ignored her as much as possible to avoid any complications. During the first few days George did nearly all the on-deck work, even when off watch, and did more than his fair share of the cooking. Not only that but he had a sharp sense of humor and had the other crew members in stitches with his repertoire of jokes.
Sonya soon had a change of mind with regard to George, after all he had become the star of the crew, was handsome with a well defined ‘six pack’. She began flirting with him. Cap’n Charlie saw all this unfolding before his eyes. On about the fourth day Sonya piped up, “What’s wrong with George, he seems to be going out of his way to avoid me. Is he gay?”
“As soon as we get to port (Bermuda), you can ask him,” responded Charlie. “But for now let’s concentrate on getting to our destination.”
During the next couple of days Sonya became more irksome and openly flirted with George taunting him for his lack of manliness. Both Tony and Dave, the other crew, suggested that they could help. Sonya wasn’t interested.
When they arrived at St Georges, Charlie accessed a tune on his iPhone and turned it up full volume. It went like this:
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Don’t make a pretty woman your wife
So, here’s my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.