"Cap'n Charlie, we're here in the Virgin Islands for the girls. As an experienced captain you must know the best places to pick up some hot babes. We're leaving it up to you." Charlie was stunned: available single girls in the BVI are like hen's teeth, nonexistent. The six guys, New Jersey longshoremen, were throwing cases of beer aboard their rented catamaran and had only two things in mind: beer and babes and the problem was they were middle aged, pot-bellied, and ghostly white; one even had a large wart on the side of his nose with hair bristling from it.
Normally planning an itinerary is a simple matter: people's preferences usually include pretty coral reefs for snorkeling or scuba diving, beach bars and party venues, restaurants, quiet or deserted anchorages, palm lined sandy beaches and nature trails for hiking. A good charter captain should be able to provide an itinerary to suit his client's wishes and end the day at a calm and safe anchorage. On this occasion snorkeling, beaches, hiking etc were of little interest. What to do? Charlie was in a quandary.
Eventually Charlie decided to head to the Baths, the BVI's geological natural wonder. Visitors always loved this national park although Charlie was bored with it, having visited the site hundreds of times. But the throngs of people there would ensure at least a few pretty girls. It was the best Charlie could think of. Immediately the boat was tied up the amorous six headed to the beach and Charlie took out a book to read. After about an hour he looked towards the beach and – he couldn't believe his eyes. One of the guys was paddling back to the boat with two gorgeous girls, both topless. They climbed aboard and introduced themselves and explained that they were doing a photo shoot for a men's magazine but would 'love to go sailing for the day'. "Way to go, Charlie," whispered the dock worker, Joe, "I knew you knew all the best places." He slapped Charlie on the back and soon they were sailing along the coast of Virgin Gorda.
All the guys were now expert snorkelers, sailors and raconteurs. A stop at a snorkel spot was requested and, while the group was in the water, Joe suggested 'a breakdown' so that the girls could not be returned to their chaperoned villa. Kidnapping, though, was not on Charlie's list of options and he had to laugh off the suggestion.
The cruise had started well and after visiting a few of the more notorious island bars the trip was a success. Charlie's heading back to the Baths tomorrow: he just loves natural wonders.
Julian Putley is the author of 'The Drinking Man's Guide to the BVI', 'Sunfun Calypso', and 'Sunfun Gospel'.