December is all about the festive season and Christmas is a huge celebration in the Caribbean. 2019 is gearing up to be one of the busiest seasons in history and Charlie hopes it will be as successful as last year, what with all the problems surrounding Santa and Christmas in 2018.
Firstly, there was the issue of Santa and the elves, whose home and toy factories were in danger of slipping into the sea from global warming and ice melt. Never had there been such stress. Santa and the reindeer had been busy in the off season rescuing polar bears and then, to add to the nightmare, the reindeer were becoming worn out from overwork – partly because of all the children living on boats and Santa’s endearing and eternal promise to not leave out a single child.
This is what happened:
Santa was approaching the BVI from the north (of course) when Rudolf and Blitzen collapsed from exhaustion (the trade winds had piped up to 25kts from the south east) and the whole sleigh with Santa hanging on for dear life, landed in the sea. Thankfully all the sacks of presents were unaffected. As luck would have it, a pod of dolphins nearby saw the accident and took over from the exhausted reindeer who were left to their own devices.
The dolphins, the most intelligent creatures in the world, towed the sleigh to all the boats with children, one by one, and enabled Santa to deliver the presents and, to his great relief, save Christmas.
Sailing With Charlie: ♫♪♫ Jingle Shells, Jingle Shells, Jingle All The Way ♫♪♫
So, what happened to the reindeer? Smiley, the head dolphin, had managed to contact his cousin, Wally and relay the situation. Wally was a humpback whale and he rounded up a few of his mates and they were soon at the scene. Humpbacks are perfect for carrying freight; they divided up the reindeer so each whale would carry two reindeer and off they swam until they arrived off a beautiful, palm-lined Caribbean Island. The reindeer were so relieved to be rescued they barely had time to thank Wally the whale. Off they ran, playing in the sand, and dipping in the turquoise water. Prancer found an old snorkel and mask and went snorkeling, whist Rudolf found a coconut and managed to break it open by stomping it with his hoof. Just behind the palm trees Dasher was trying to have his way with Cupid but she was having none of it – after all, they weren’t even engaged. It didn’t get too over heated but according to Rudolf, the red nosed reindeer in chief, she did call him a motherrutter.
It wasn’t long before Santa arrived with Wally in the lead and Smiley and his pod towing Santa in the sleigh. Santa was anxious to get back to the North Pole to check on his base – global warming was a continuing nightmare. The reindeer were having such fun it took them a while to harness up. Before long, though, they were up, up and away with Smiley and his pod jumping in unison as a friendly send off.
Note: Santa has made arrangements with the Antarctic authorities for an emergency South Pole base if everything goes south up north. There are no guarantees…
Julian Putley is the author of The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI; Sunfun Calypso; and Sunfun Gospel.