Tuesday, April 16, 2024
HomeLifeSailing with Charlie: Christmas – Party Time

Sailing with Charlie: Christmas – Party Time

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Mocka Jumbies and Rum...

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Santa and the elves are having a pre-Christmas party at their toy factory and village up at the North Pole. Santa’s on his second eggnog, “Everyone tread carefully,” he exhorts, “The ice is getting thin. The sleigh ride at Polar Ridge has collapsed and soon our home may disappear. But it’s not the children’s fault – so, have a good time; tomorrow the factory will be full steam ahead.”  

“Humans around the world are causing this problem and we have to keep working to provide them with presents,” grumbled Shinny Upatree, the factory foreman.

“Quite right,” said Santa, “so we must be creative and use green, biodegradable and recyclable materials in all our toys. It’s our job to educate those humans who don’t understand the value of a healthy planet and lifestyle. “Sneezy, top me up, and don’t forget a floater of that dark Caribbean rum – and pass the mince pies.” Sneezy nodded and let out a huge sneeze. The whole party looked daggers at Sneezy who was still on loan from Snow White since several elves had left and had taken jobs as lorry drivers in Europe.  

Graphics by Anouk Sylvestre
Graphics by Anouk Sylvestre

The reindeer were all having a good time too. Someone had turned the music up – it was Keb Mo’s ‘Merry, Merry Christmas’ and they were all dancing like there was no tomorrow. Rudolph was trying to have his way with Vixen but couldn’t get her to the mistletoe. 

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Santa brought them back to reality, “We’re going to make a special latrine for you reindeer – a big hole with a lid. Reindeer poop gives off methane gas and creates ozone problems – we have to be proactive.”   

Next day the whole crew was a bit hungover but they were back at work filling sacks with toys and presents. Sugarplum was busy wrapping boxes when Santa walked up on his inspection round, “What is this, Sugarplum? Single use plastic is banned this year.”

“It’s fully recyclable Santa, and by the way, your polyester Santa Suit isn’t ‘green.’ It sends a bad message.”

“Mmmm, quite right Sugarplum. I’ll get Wunorse to make me a new one from hemp.” Wunorse Openslae was in charge of the hemp department. It was a bit of a worry for Santa because he spent too much time smoking the flowers and was always late with orders.     

Soon it was Christmas Eve. The sleigh was loaded, the reindeer were harnessed and it was time to be off. Santa had the latest GPS chart plotter and toy delivery system. You programmed in the location, activated the automatic delivery system and whoosh! – not a single child was left behind. It was magic and his plan was to do the whole world in six hours and to end up in the Caribbean – his most favorite destination. 

Shinny, the senior elf, had taken it upon himself to rent a large catamaran for a Christmas day cruise – everyone would be exhausted and deserving of a day off. 

As it turned out there was a Christmas yacht parade in Virgin Gorda’s North Sound and all the captains were dressed as Santas. The real Santa was so happy – he was incognito. As soon as they were anchored, he organized a donut ride behind the yacht’s fast inflatable tender with three of the hardest working elves (as a reward). Fake Santa’s were whizzing around on jet skis, some were kite boarding and others windsurfing. The reindeer were lounging on the foredeck enjoying corn bread while the rest of the elves were getting ready to go snorkeling.

It was well after sunset when they finally had to return to the North Pole. The reindeer were harnessed but the elves couldn’t stay awake and were soon fast asleep in the sleigh’s sleeping hut. Once they reached altitude Santa activated the autopilot and settled back – it had all been so much fun.  Charlie joins the whole crew – “Merry, Merry Christmas everyone.”

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Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.

So Caribbean you can almost taste the rum...

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