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Sailing with Charlie – Discretion

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Not long ago, Charlie was captain on a small and rather
cramped charter yacht with two couples who barely knew each other, but in order
to keep the cost of their rented yacht to a minimum, had decided to team up.
Bob was a middle-aged, paunchy lawyer; his wife Felicity was
thirtyish and had an hour-glass figure. Gerald was a Rodney
Dangerfield look-a-like and a comic to boot; his wife, Doris, was plump and, to
be kind, pleasant enough.

Often with such scenarios your new best friends soon become your latest worst

Motor Sailing and Other Sad Tales

Felicity sported the briefest possible bikini and pranced about the deck as though she
was on the runway at a fashion show. She had a problem though: there
wasn’t quite enough cloth in that tiny bathing suit to cover her rump.
“It’s an enigma why girls often buy the skimpiest bikini and then
try the impossible task of trying to pull it down over their buns when they
think someone might be looking,” laughed Gerald, “And I’m
always looking!” Charlie just nodded, preferring to keep impartial.
“There’s a lot to be said for the middle-aged stout and sturdy
type, ‘They don’t tell, don’t swell, and are grateful as
hell,’ to quote a founding father.”

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When it came time for a snorkeling trip, Felicity said she’d never done it before
but gamely donned her kit and jumped in. Immediately, her top became a necklace
and her bottoms disappeared into crevices. She never even noticed because she
was so busy battling with snorkel, mask and fins. Charlie, who was in the
water, almost went over to help but decided that discretion was the better part
of valor and that he would keep a close eye on the situation instead! Gerald,
also in the water, did not even pretend to be discreet and kept circling the
hapless girl like a shark preparing for the kill.

As the week wore on, Felicity began to make advances towards Charlie and Gerald
laughed at the obvious flirtation. It did not go un-noticed by Bob who took
certain umbrage at the situation while becoming more pissed off at his new best

Bob turned out to be a divorce lawyer and one evening he told the story of a
married couple who ran up a bill of 100K and then at the last minute changed
their minds and decided not to divorce. Apparently, they were always terribly
in love when they were out partying. They would go out at weekends, have a fine
dinner, dance the night away in some club and after imbibing heavily would rush
home and leap into bed with a bottle of vodka and have terrific sex until the
cock (croaked) crowed. The rest of the week they hated each other. The stay of
divorce lasted for a month and then they started proceedings all over again –
for another large fee.

enough, the two couples started getting along better after that and were still
on good terms at the end of their holiday. Charlie didn’t get a tip that
week but later a rumor spread that he had gotten something else instead.
Charlie didn’t say a word – he was far too discreet.

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Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.

So Caribbean you can almost taste the rum...

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