Today’s city dweller:
Get up while it’s still dark; get the kids up by threat and force. High-pitched orders and responses at almost scream level. Run to the car with coffee in plastic cup and shoelaces still undone. Drive for two minutes and then join the queue in the traffic jam. Get the finger for pushing in. Arrive at office five minutes late, nowhere to park. Drive around the block once, finally find a spot but narrowly lose it to dork in law office next door.
Arrive in office half an hour late, get shouted at by boss. Open mail and find 1) a summons for unpaid speeding ticket. 2) Complaint for sexual harassment – you happened to bump into fat, unattractive coffee woman. 3) Warning for not implementing required fire drill. 4) Fees that you earned are being challenged by dork from competing law office. 5) Results from doctor’s office saying your blood pressure is high, cholesterol level is dangerous and you’re on the road for a stroke. Reminder that your colonoscopy is scheduled for next week. 6) Letter from the IRS. You’re being audited at an unspecified time within next two weeks. “Better to fess up now,” it says. You work hard all day, miss lunch and leave office at 9 p.m. Find two wheels missing from your car. “Please drive to police station to file a report,” says desk sergeant.
Charlie, the Cruising Sailor:
Get up to magical sunrise, enjoy coffee in the cockpit while listening to ‘Easy morning music’ on FM. Write ‘to do’ list during second cup and watch hot babes on next boat going skinny dipping. Dinghy ashore to buy warm croissants, French bread and tropical fruit for late breakfast. Spend morning doing chores on board: a little varnishing, tune up outboard, pump up dinghy. Test outboard and when hot babe waves, you maneuver over to their boat and have a chat.
Afternoon sail with snorkeling trip arranged. Short close reach to Palm Tree Island. Enjoy snorkeling in sparkling clear water and watching amazing reef action – and hot babes snorkeling. Try to start engine but it fails to start. Oh dear, babes will have to stay the night on board; they don’t mind at all. Fix dynamite Planter’s Punches. After second round one hot babe complains of sunburn and Charlie, ever the chivalrous host, volunteers to massage it better with jelly from Aloe Vera plant he just happens to have on board. Other hot babe becomes jealous; needs massaging too. After a third round they all end up in a pile on Charlie’s queen size fore peak berth. No sign of the IRS.