Saturday, May 18, 2024
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Reef Huggers

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Mocka Jumbies and Rum...

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Charlie has been examining environmental issues very seriously lately. Environmentalists’ quest for nature conservation often ignores the fact that humans are a part of nature too. Our very existence in even the most non intrusive way impacts the environment. When we cut a cabbage or kill a goat we are altering the environment. Power boats cause atmospheric pollution. When we go for a walk we probably tread on an ant, annihilate an earwig or swat a mosquito at almost every step. When we build a house nature is impacted in a zillion ways. Delicate coral reef systems are in danger from inexperienced snorkelers and divers who step on fragile corals causing irreversible damage.   

Charlie has come up with answers. From now on there will be no gardening for food or killing of animals. Other countries will have the burden of ruining their environment and the BVI will import all its food. This way herds of goats will roam unharmed, chickens and roosters can multiply with impunity and the dulcet tones of cock-a-doodle-doodling can be enjoyed by all residents at all hours of the day and night (BVI roosters are in a time warp and don’t know dawn from dusk). Cattle will also go unharmed and cow pies will be plentiful to be used as fertilizer for cauliflowers, cabbages, lettuces, etc. (for decorative use in gardens only).

As far as the human footprint is concerned this major concern will be addressed as follows. All tourists and residents will only be allowed to walk on stilts. This will have a dual positive effect. Insects and grasses will be largely spared and mocko jumbie schools will give stilt walking lessons at hefty fees, thus helping the economy.

All power boats will be banned because of pollution. Ferries will be under sail, oars or paddles. This will not only assist in pollution control but will help the local government with unemployment issues. Ferries will have a minimum of fifteen pairs of oarsmen (belongers only).

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Snorkelers will not be allowed near a coral reef. There will be a fifteen foot depth limit around all reef systems. Scuba diving will be banned since this activity is too hard to monitor.

Charlie is very pleased to announce that due to his diligent research he has been hired as a consultant to the BVI government.

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Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.

So Caribbean you can almost taste the rum...

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