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Cruising with Charlie – Dr. Bottom

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Mocka Jumbies and Rum...

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The people who come to the Caribbean to enjoy yachting holidays are generally in the higher income levels. Typical are those in the medical profession, lawyers, computer techies and money managers. Most expect to be regaled by stirring sea stories or entertained by
tales of local color and humor and, as a yacht charter captain, Charlie would
do his best. Sometimes, his efforts were reciprocated.

One day, Charlie had a group of four single gentlemen on a sail training course; one was
a doctor. Charlie had great trouble remembering the meanings describing the
specialist professions of medical doctors. For years, he thought a pediatrician
was a foot doctor. A few days into the trip, Charlie and his guests were having
drinks in the cockpit. When the doctor explained that his specialty was endoscopy, Charlie facetiously remarked that scoping out rear ends might be less desirable than sailing. Expecting a laugh and a joke at his expense he was surprised to learn that endoscopy
is exactly that: procedures involving the gastrointestinal tract.

Tortola’s Sailor from the Purple Palace

The subject soon sank to a rather low level, as it seems to do when Charlie’s
at the helm. In the end (no pun intended) he found out that there are many
strange objects extracted from people’s nether regions, although how they
got there Charlie was discreet enough not to ask. The good doctor told him that
he had personally relieved people of: a glove, a shoe! (from
a patient in a mental ward, he admitted), false teeth on a regular basis,
condoms and a padlock (those darned chastity belts are tough sometimes!).

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In recent years, tattooing has become very much in vogue. Popular places for such body
adornments are often in areas ‘where the sun don’t shine.’ It also seems that these tattoos are placed strategically for the amusement of those partners who engage in doggy-style
sex. Doctor Bottom, as he became lovingly referred to by the rest of the crew,
described a sampling of exhibits he’d been privileged to see while on

Pusser’s Rum Aged 15 Years

U.S. Grade A. Prime
was one,” he
explained, “but it wasn’t! Another was Happy Christmas tattooed on one buttock. I came so close to adding
‘Happy New Year’ to the other buttock,” he said with a laugh.
“My favorite was a tattoo of a miniature Pinocchio with the words printed
underneath ‘lie to me, lie to me.’”

Charlie’s not likely to forget the meaning of ‘endoscopy.’

Responding to a Medical Emergency

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Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.

So Caribbean you can almost taste the rum...

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