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Graphics by Hannah Welch
Graphics by Hannah Welch

Sailing With Charlie: Paddy n’ Murphy

Have you ever watched a TV show entitled ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things’? I remember getting a few chuckles from that one a few years ago. But nowadays humor has descended into the depths of vulgarity, which sometimes makes you cringe with embarrassment or shake your head in despair at how base we have become. It wasn’t long ago that a British TV presenter was suspended for relating the following relatively harmless verse of a limerick on air:

“Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jill came down with half-a-crown after doing what she didn’t ought ta!”

Now, even kids of six or seven are coming out with surprisingly crude comments; never-the-less some of these will put a smile on your face.

A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with two other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

While on vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her fanny.  (Julie, age 7)

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

For me, humor has to be subtle as well as clever. That’s why British humor is so good. Charlie remembered this story about two Irish crew members on a charter boat tied to the dock.

Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m sick of this working in the hot sun. I’m going to pretend I’m drunk and be sent home for the day.”

“That’ll never work says Murphy.”

So Paddy gets up on the boom and starts swinging upside down shouting, “I’m a light bulb, I’m a light bulb.”

The captain comes over, “Paddy! Go home you’re drunk again!”

Paddy climbs down and packs up his stuff.

Then Murphy starts to pack up his stuff too.

“And where the hell are you going?” says the captain

“I’m going home, too,” says Murphy. “You don’t expect me to work in the dark, do you?”

Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.

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