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Graphics by Hannah Welch
Graphics by Hannah Welch

Sailing with Charlie: Boat Show

It’s approaching the season and charter yachts are busy preparing for the ‘boat shows’ where market specialists and yacht vacation brokers walk the docks examining the many craft available for charter. Yacht vacations taken by the well-heeled are becoming more and more popular, and luxury craft and crews more numerous. Large, stable catamarans are becoming the yachts of choice for jaunts around the islands and each must be in sparkling condition, super comfortable and provide all the latest in watersports toys. A spectacular chef is essential – one who can produce such mouth watering dishes that Escoffier himself would be envious. The captain must not only be a good boat driver but also a local knowledge expert and gifted raconteur. Competition is fierce.

One day recently Charlie’s friends, Joe and Meredith, were discussing ways they could get an edge. They had all the latest toys: SUPs, kayaks, diving and snorkeling equipment and even a rubber donut for towing behind the dinghy. “Your job is to provide pleasure,” advised Charlie. “How can you beat the competition and offer the very best pleasure.”

“I’ve got the answer,” said Joe, after only seconds. “We’ll provide free condoms. Not only that but we’ll supply the colored and flavored ones. We could put a small box of flavor choices in each cabin.”

Charlie thought for a while, “That’s a great idea, especially if they’re FDA approved.

Meredith was not so sure. “Sometimes we get elderly folks – they might not approve.”

“Of course they would,” replied Joe, “might spark up a tired old couple. I’ll tell you what we’ll do, we’ll explain our idea to the brokers and then get them to taste test the options. It should be fun; we’ll use bananas for demonstrations.”

“Pheew,” uttered Meredith, “I thought you were going to volunteer as a guinea pig – then I’d be taking the season off.”

The boat show arrived and Joe and Meredith dressed in their yachtie best. The boat was spick and span and all the water toys were on display. Meredith prepared some delectable hors d’oeuvres, while Joe prepared a jug of his special recipe margaritas – all ready to offer the brokers who would hopefully provide them with customers. The small tray of colorful condoms was displayed discreetly to one side.

The first brokers aboard their yacht, S/V Foreplay, were two buxom middle-aged ladies from Florida. They were shown around the yacht, asked pertinent questions, were entertained with snacks and the potent drink concoction. Soon they were all laughing together. Then one of the ladies asked what the small tray of colorful rubbers was for. “Oh,” replied Joe, losing his former bravado, “They’re actually balloons – we just forgot to put them up.” He started to blow one up … and before long four colorful condom balloons were hanging in the cockpit.

When they’d gone Meredith derided Joe for being such a chicken – but several hours later S/V Foreplay was the party boat of the show. A large crowd
was swilling margaritas and from a distance it looked like several of the female brokers were eating bananas – and right in the middle was Charlie, giving
expert advice.

 

Julian Putley is the author of ‘The Drinking Man’s Guide to the BVI’, ‘Sunfun Calypso’, and ‘Sunfun Gospel’.

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